Trust

Distinctions live in language. Language is unique to humans. Distinctions create tribes. Trust is the phenomenon that shows us we’re part of the same tribe.

The 4 levels of trust are:

  1. Sincerity: the other person’s internal and external conversations are not contradictory, the other person acts in according to what they say they believe and care about. Are their intentions clear?

    This should not be confused for care, because sincerity is about intention. A graphic illustration of this is if someone tells their date that they just want to have sex. This demonstrates sincerity but not care.

  2. Competence: the other person is able to do what they propose by having the knowledge, skill and resources needed to accomplish the task.

  3. Reliability: the other person has kept their promises in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.

  4. Care: the other person has our best interests in mind and will act in ways that reflect concern for our well-being and what we consider important. Can you identify with them?

Each of these aspects of trust is an assessment we make of the other person. If we don’t trust someone, it is usually because one of these is missing. It is normal to have a bias towards focusing on one or a few of these aspects. When you decide to trust someone, this is a declaration.

Examples:

  • The levels are sequential, which shows up naturally in the course of an interview. Starting off with sincerity, the other pillars of trust are established.

    1. Sincerity: starting the interview with a question like “Tell us about yourself and why you’re here”.
    2. Competence: “You mentioned doing xyz in your resume. Could you tell us more about that?”
    3. Reliability: “What are your plans for the next few years?”
    4. Care: further questions to see if you identify with the other person

  • Bad salespeople try to sell you something and might do so by disguising their intentions (lack of sincerity) or even when they are sincere, they focus on closing that sale (lack of care for what you need).

  • How Tong Yee builds the container at the start of each course / workshop - he is very intentional about addressing each of these 4 aspects of trust.

Some of this explanation comes from Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence.

logo